so, the name of this barely intelligible babble came from a discussion i had with a drunk, alcoholic (tautology?) borderline junkie. basically, they are a motorcyclist and the nice chat was about how pedestrians would kill us all. now, in an almost literal way this is true. today was my first day back working and the amount of people who are so moronically stupid that they follow other people into the road is incredibly depressing. you’d think, that most people want to survive crossing the road. you’d think, being 10 feet away, that they would see you. you’d think, being 5 feet away and desperately screaming “get the fuck out of the way you fuckhead!”, they’d hear you. you’d be wrong. so, it was, doing 20mph down shaftesbury avenue, epic skid time. silly people. it is especially annoying because when people walk into your path and are almost destroyed, they either a) laugh. i like black comedy, but would be so embarrassed if i almost killed myself through my own idiocy that i probably would. b) when it is enquired of them, just what in hell they think they are doing, reply with a sharp “fuck off”. well done, you vacuous bellend, i now would rather have hit you so that you would no longer rob me of precious oxygen.
and, is a metophorically asinine way, pedestrians equaling sheep, will kill us all. first off, when a catholic priest rapes a kid, they get (got) moved to another parish. but when a c of e bishop comes out as republican, they get suspended. i am at a loss to why, should the christian god exist, they would give a single shit about who is spiritual head of his now retarded religion, and upon discovering that people care more about that than religious leaders fucking kids, or aids, or poverty, or climate change, or homelessness, or human rights, or any of the infinite things more worthy of caring about, that they would probably send jesus back armed with several automatic weapons.
second off, [this is let’s fuck shit up, pt. ii], as we now know, nick clegg is a twat:
“I regret of course that I can’t keep the promise that I made because – just as in life – sometimes you are not fully in control of all the things you need to deliver those pledges,”
yeah, there are things that i regret that i can’t do in life because i am not in control, but in case you hadn’t noticed, this is not life you dumbass, this is politics, and you promise several million people that you’d oppose tuition fee rises, so get your head out of david cameron’s lower intestine and at least look like you’re trying to do something. and then kill yourself.
then there’s this:
Gove said the government would not waver, adding: “I respond to arguments, I do not respond to violence.”
o rly? how’s this for an argument: charge vodafone the £6bn that was written off, don’t give £6bn to ireland if we’re in such a shitty economic state and so achingly desparately need to raze the deficit. then kill yourself.
there’s also this:
One 19-year-old art student was pictured trying to stop masked marchers attacking the van. “We’re going to be portrayed badly in the media,” she shouted at them. “We’re just wrecking a police van.”
well done, you have accurately portrayed the situation. the only disappointment here is that the van was probably wrecked out of mindless anarchistic chic rather than for any coherent political aims, but it’s the ends not the means, eh john?
if you have got this far, i salute you. given that about 3 people read this, i feel that is quite an achievement for you. now some lighter news.
i went to see the menzingers at the weekend, which was ace. not really much more that can be said except for this little anecdote:
so, i went with a friend, and we each had 11 pints of guinness each [arriving about 7.30pm, leaving at 2am]. around 11pm, i had the first guinness shit coming on, and it really needed to happen, so i rushed to the loo, bore down, and reached for the toilet paper. there was none. blast. so, i yank the cardboard toilet roll out of the metal holder, (what else was i supposed to do?), and proceed to slam both wrists against the edge of the metal holder, inflicting rather self-harm looking wounds on them. double blast. so i finish up, go back upstairs and tell the guitarist of the menzingers that i love them so much i cut myself. he gave me wine.
another reason people are fucking stupid:
don’t be afraid to use fag!